Alan's Blog




Slowly Dying

17 November 2019

It's only mid-November and already I feel as though I can't be bothered to do anything – as though I'm slowly losing the will to live, although I'm not really wanting that, of course.

Outside the window it is damp and grey and cold. Only another 5 or 6 months to go of this misery! O to be able to hibernate. Living in the North West of England doesn't help as a wetter place one couldn't find. It also adds at least 725 miles (return journey from home to Dover) to any European tour when travelling through Calais, France. This means we have to allow at least two days of UK travel to our tour – two days less in Europe.

I'm also bored with my life. All my life I've wanted to retire (in fact I didn't even want to start the business of 'work' at all!) and now I've been out of work since the end of March I want to go back to work. After more than fifty years of being (mainly) employed (I left school in May 1965), sitting around all day soon gets boring. It's not that I've got nothing to do. Far from it. I just don't have the motivation to do what there is to do. I'm even trying to find work overseas but either I'm too old or they aren't prepared to pay me enough so no success there.

The one thing I really want to do is impossible and it's nothing to do with work. That is to hitch-up our caravan and just GO! Of course, I could go on my own but after being happily married for 19 years I'd much rather be spending what time I've got left on this Earth with Grace.

Every week, sometimes almost every day, I plan trips that will never happen. I open Google Maps and start planning. The last trip I planned was a 2000+ mile tour of France visiting all the (mainland) national parks. Prior to that it was a trip of several thousands of miles heading along the northern coastal countries of Europe to St. Petersburg, then through Finland and the other Scandinavian countries, all the way to the far North, and back home. It's the coming 'home' that really bugs me. I don't want to come 'home'. I want to keep travelling.

All this planning for nothing. A total waste of my time – and life. It's like a day dream I suppose - my escape. Sadly, real life is somewhat different. Not much planning required to do the 'school run'. That said, the 20 mile round trip to JP's school wastes about an hour every morning and an hour or more in the afternoon so we've made no advance there in several hundred years – I could do the same journey on a horse in that time! How boring. How depressing.

My home is our caravan (or a camper-van – anything with wheels). After our last tour of France and Switzerland in the summer of 2019 I really didn't want to come home – and I've regretted doing so ever since; not that I had any choice.

After the summer holiday I just wanted to keep touring. And still do. Six weeks is far too short a time to tour. It would be nice to, say, spend 6 weeks (or 6 months) in one place and explore it properly before moving on to the next destination. Never mind driving 4000+ miles in 6 weeks as I did during the summer. We could spend many years touring Europe which, although quite a small area, is wonderfully diverse in every aspect one can contemplate. It really is an amazing continent.

I would also like to ride my bicycle along Eurovelo 6 from the Atlantic Ocean coast of France (near Nantes) to the Black Sea coast of Romania (near Tulcea). What a fantastic bicycle ride that would be. Again, I don't want to do it alone but with JP it would be a fantastic trip. Sadly, JP's education has to take priority and school holidays are nowhere near long enough. Of course, he'd learn far more of use to him on a long bicycle tour than he ever does at a school where their main task is to promulgate political lies, scams and deceit (man-made climate change and aeroplanes / fire bringing down the twin towers (and building 7) on 9-11, being two such topics) as well as promote other religions than our own. Attending school is largely a waste of time as far as JP (and us) is concerned – and as for staying in full-time education until the age of 18, well, how ridiculous is that. It really couldn't get any worse.

Grace and JP often look at me sitting silently depressed and ask me if I'm alright. "No" is my usual response - if I respond at all.

How could it be otherwise?






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